Post by struv on Jul 9, 2012 15:05:00 GMT
dear abby
I was watching my next door neighbour's 14 year old daughter sunbathing from my bedroom window. The sight got too much for me and I started knocking one out. I had just finished and was wiping my knob on the curtains when I noticed my wife standing in the bedroom door. She had watched me from start to finish without saying a word. Is she a pervert?
A little kid said to me ''what's your favourite Telly Tubby'' I said ''Probably the Samsung 42 inch flat screen you cheeky little barsteward
My mate's been married for 20 years and in all that time she was a chronic thumb sucker. He tried everything to make her stop but nothing worked, so I took her aside and with my Biro I drew a cock on her thumb.
Job done!!!!
I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them
I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he’s only got one arm bless him. I shouted ''Where you off to Charlie'' he said ''I'm off to change a light bulb'' Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing. I said ‘That’s gonna be a bit awkward init'' ''Not really'' He said. ‘I still have the receipt you Fkin insensitive barsteward'
That's the last time I use my Sean Connery accent to tell the wife to sit on my face
My mate reckons he always cries after sex........... Mind you he ‘s in prison.
After landing myself in Jail I spent the first 4 hours getting shagged up the arse. My Dad takes Monopoly way too seriously
The wife said to me last night ''If you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the arse. Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first
It’s my black stepson's birthday today and I'm going to give him a little treat by leaving an extra £10 note in my jacket pocket
For years I thought my Wife had Tourettes, but apparently I am a fat tw*t and she really does want me to eff Off
In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath ? Answer. Throw in your washing. We were all having a good laugh about this when this big barsteward tapped me on the shoulder and said '' I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fit's'' I said '' Sorry mate did he drown'' No he said '' he choked on a sock ''
A man goes into confession after a 20 year absence. As he sits in the booth he looks around and says to the Priest ''The old confessional has really changed father, I don’t remember a leather chair, Guinness on tap and Gay porn mags being in the booths 20 years ago'' The Priest said '' That because you’re in my fkn seat''
Wife said to me what were you doing on the computer last night. “Looking for cheap flights” I said. She got all exited and told me she loved me, unzipped my pants and gave me the best blowjob ever, which is very odd because she's never shown any interest in darts before.
10 Catholic Priests were killed in a road accident. At the Pearly Gates St Peter says '' If any of you are Paedophiles you can fk off down to Hell'' . 9 of them start to walk away when St Peter calls out ''And take this deaf barsteward with you''
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year".... Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
A local Pakistani won 3 million on the lottery last week. After sharing it between members of his family they each walked away with £4.50.
A wise man once told me to ignore anything that comes out of a woman’s mouth, unless it needs wiping and putting back in your pants
I was watching my next door neighbour's 14 year old daughter sunbathing from my bedroom window. The sight got too much for me and I started knocking one out. I had just finished and was wiping my knob on the curtains when I noticed my wife standing in the bedroom door. She had watched me from start to finish without saying a word. Is she a pervert?
A little kid said to me ''what's your favourite Telly Tubby'' I said ''Probably the Samsung 42 inch flat screen you cheeky little barsteward
My mate's been married for 20 years and in all that time she was a chronic thumb sucker. He tried everything to make her stop but nothing worked, so I took her aside and with my Biro I drew a cock on her thumb.
Job done!!!!
I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them
I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he’s only got one arm bless him. I shouted ''Where you off to Charlie'' he said ''I'm off to change a light bulb'' Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing. I said ‘That’s gonna be a bit awkward init'' ''Not really'' He said. ‘I still have the receipt you Fkin insensitive barsteward'
That's the last time I use my Sean Connery accent to tell the wife to sit on my face
My mate reckons he always cries after sex........... Mind you he ‘s in prison.
After landing myself in Jail I spent the first 4 hours getting shagged up the arse. My Dad takes Monopoly way too seriously
The wife said to me last night ''If you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the arse. Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first
It’s my black stepson's birthday today and I'm going to give him a little treat by leaving an extra £10 note in my jacket pocket
For years I thought my Wife had Tourettes, but apparently I am a fat tw*t and she really does want me to eff Off
In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath ? Answer. Throw in your washing. We were all having a good laugh about this when this big barsteward tapped me on the shoulder and said '' I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fit's'' I said '' Sorry mate did he drown'' No he said '' he choked on a sock ''
A man goes into confession after a 20 year absence. As he sits in the booth he looks around and says to the Priest ''The old confessional has really changed father, I don’t remember a leather chair, Guinness on tap and Gay porn mags being in the booths 20 years ago'' The Priest said '' That because you’re in my fkn seat''
Wife said to me what were you doing on the computer last night. “Looking for cheap flights” I said. She got all exited and told me she loved me, unzipped my pants and gave me the best blowjob ever, which is very odd because she's never shown any interest in darts before.
10 Catholic Priests were killed in a road accident. At the Pearly Gates St Peter says '' If any of you are Paedophiles you can fk off down to Hell'' . 9 of them start to walk away when St Peter calls out ''And take this deaf barsteward with you''
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year".... Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
A local Pakistani won 3 million on the lottery last week. After sharing it between members of his family they each walked away with £4.50.
A wise man once told me to ignore anything that comes out of a woman’s mouth, unless it needs wiping and putting back in your pants
