johndc
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Post by johndc on Nov 10, 2016 15:49:21 GMT
The HMRC visit
The Inland Revenue sent their auditor to a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?"he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd go on, in his obnoxious way..."Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?" "Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi.
"What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to The Inland Revenue"
"Inland Revenue?!," questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Inland Revenue " and about once a year, they send us some little prick for an inspection"
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nickw
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Post by nickw on Nov 10, 2016 16:10:51 GMT
Haha, love it John..... When I looked at the title I thought you'd been treating yourself. That continued when I saw the first line saying "The HMRC visit..." I was thinking along the lines that you may have had a rebate  |
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David
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Post by David on Nov 10, 2016 16:16:04 GMT
The title of the thread is a little misleading.
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Wheelnut
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Post by Wheelnut on Nov 10, 2016 20:45:51 GMT
It's like the short sighted circumsisor
He got the sack.
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johndc
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Post by johndc on Nov 11, 2016 5:41:50 GMT
The title of the thread is a little misleading. Sorry David, "Time for a new joke on the Stand Up Comedy thread page as a new one hasn't been posted for a while........" |
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johndc
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Post by johndc on Nov 11, 2016 5:45:26 GMT
Haha, love it John..... When I looked at the title I thought you'd been treating yourself. That continued when I saw the first line saying "The HMRC visit..." I was thinking along the lines that you may have had a rebate Do you think I'm made of money Nick? I still have to work, unlike some of you "retired" gentlemen !!! Only had my "new one" 1 year this month and still haven't got 6000 miles on it (poor year)  |
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David
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Post by David on Nov 11, 2016 8:50:13 GMT
Being ReTired is the best job I've had.
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johndc
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Post by johndc on Nov 11, 2016 10:02:09 GMT
Being Re Tired is the best job I've had. I'm led to believe that most "retired" people have never worked so hard since leaving their day job!!! Or so they tell me  I hope I am, if and when I do retire. I hate doing "nothing". I can't relax for longer than an hour. Bloke next door to me is out every day picking up fallen leaves, but I don't want to be that bad  |
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David
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Post by David on Nov 11, 2016 10:41:07 GMT
Bloke next door to me is out every day picking up fallen leaves. Sounds like he's well into his retirement. |
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nickw
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Post by nickw on Nov 11, 2016 12:28:35 GMT
Being Re Tired is the best job I've had. I'm led to believe that most "retired" people have never worked so hard since leaving their day job!!! Or so they tell me I hope I am, if and when I do retire. I hate doing "nothing". I can't relax for longer than an hour. Bloke next door to me is out every day picking up fallen leaves, but I don't want to be that bad It's not so much working hard John..... You end up pottering about doing stuff. The thing I like best is if I'm outside doing a job and somebody walks by, and you end up nattering for an hour or so, you don't think.... "I wish they'd naff off cos I need to get this done today before I go back to work tomorrow"...... You think more along the lines of...."well if I don't do it today, I'll finish it tomorrow". That said, I still do bits of work, mainly so that Bev and I aren't in each other's pockets, and, if you were together all day you'd have sod all to talk about on an evening. Plus, you're then working out of choice, not necessity. But, yes, you do keep busy and wonder how you fitted work in previously. I keep getting asked if I'd do some rider development like I used to with Ridewell Tees Valley.... Never say never, but it wouldn't ever be full time as before, cos I need time to sit drinking tea watching my grass grow plus, it would only ever be post test stuff. |
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johndc
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Post by johndc on Nov 11, 2016 12:56:07 GMT
[/quote]Sounds like he's well into his retirement. [/quote] Some time last year David. His wife says he was never like that before and has become a PitA since retiring. This thread has been hijacked and now off track. Someone else get a new joke posted up    |
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David
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Post by David on Nov 11, 2016 15:18:52 GMT
Sounds like he's well into his retirement. I'm well ahead of him, will have done 7 years in March 2017. |
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Post by Lee on Nov 21, 2016 20:21:58 GMT
The HMRC visit The Inland Revenue sent their auditor to a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles." "Yes," answered the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?"he asked. "A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd go on, in his obnoxious way..."Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls." "Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?" "Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to The Inland Revenue" "Inland Revenue?!," questioned the auditor in disbelief. "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Inland Revenue " and about once a year, they send us some little prick for an inspection" only just seen this... made me laugh properly !! Ha ha ha! |
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