Post by johndc on Jun 15, 2018 6:41:27 GMT
tight shorts
The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street he realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit."
The elderly salesman eyed him quickly and said, "Let's see, you're a size 44 long."
Joe laughed and said, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
"Let's see, 16 and a half neck, 34 sleeve."
Joe was surprised. "How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years." The shirt fit perfectly.
As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the salesman said, "You could use new shoes."
Since Joe was on a roll, he said, "Sure."
The man eyed Joe's feet and said, "9"
Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shoes and they also fit perfectly.
As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "How about new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Why not."
The man stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see, size 36."
Joe laughed. "Finally I've got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."
The tailor shook his head. "You can't wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
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Oh boyo !!
Englishman: "That your dog?"
Welshman: "Yep."
Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?"
Welshman: "Dog don't talk Bud."
Englishman: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Welshman: (Look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this Welshman your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of total disbelief)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Welshman: "Horse don;t talk bud."
Englishman: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."
Welshman: (Look of total amazement)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Welshman: "That sheep's a bloody liar !!!
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new pet
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet....
So he went to the pet store and told the owner hat he wanted to buy an unusual pet....
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
which came in a little white box to use for his house.....
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink with him.....
So he asked the centipede in the box,
"Would you like to go down the pub with me today...? We will have a good time"....
But there was no answer from his new pet....
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again,"How about going down the pub with me"...?
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation...==
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.....
This time he put his face up against the centipede's box and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me"....?
This time, a little voice came out of the box, ''I heard you the first time! I 'm putting my fcuking shoes on"....!!!
==============================================================================================
The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street he realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit."
The elderly salesman eyed him quickly and said, "Let's see, you're a size 44 long."
Joe laughed and said, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
"Let's see, 16 and a half neck, 34 sleeve."
Joe was surprised. "How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years." The shirt fit perfectly.
As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the salesman said, "You could use new shoes."
Since Joe was on a roll, he said, "Sure."
The man eyed Joe's feet and said, "9"
Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shoes and they also fit perfectly.
As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "How about new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Why not."
The man stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see, size 36."
Joe laughed. "Finally I've got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."
The tailor shook his head. "You can't wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
==============================================================================================
Oh boyo !!
Englishman: "That your dog?"
Welshman: "Yep."
Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?"
Welshman: "Dog don't talk Bud."
Englishman: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Welshman: (Look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this Welshman your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of total disbelief)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Welshman: "Horse don;t talk bud."
Englishman: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."
Welshman: (Look of total amazement)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Welshman: "That sheep's a bloody liar !!!
==============================================================================================
new pet
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet....
So he went to the pet store and told the owner hat he wanted to buy an unusual pet....
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
which came in a little white box to use for his house.....
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink with him.....
So he asked the centipede in the box,
"Would you like to go down the pub with me today...? We will have a good time"....
But there was no answer from his new pet....
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again,"How about going down the pub with me"...?
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation...==
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.....
This time he put his face up against the centipede's box and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me"....?
This time, a little voice came out of the box, ''I heard you the first time! I 'm putting my fcuking shoes on"....!!!
==============================================================================================
